Oh girl, that's my JAM!

Geniuses or Douches?

ZOMG! This is the best time for music, in like, forever! The top song in the Hot 100 this week is Black Eyed Peas "I Gotta Feeling". Who doesn't just want to move around like you are having an epileptic fit while lip syncing the lyrics "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday (Do it!)/Friday, Saturday, to Sunday (Do it!)/ Get, get, get, get, get, us, you know what we say, say/ Party every day, p-p-p-party every day " I mean, finally, a song that exclaims the fun of partying while teaching youngsters the days of the week; In your face Sesame Street! Plus, it is a song that was so awesome that six people are credited for writing it. It obviously takes several people to not only come up with days of the week, but verses like "Get, get, get, get, get with us/You know what we say (say)/Party everyday" doesn't come from just ONE person.

Black Eyed Peas also have a Billboard record with being at number one for 21 weeks with two songs: "I Gotta Feeling" and "Boom Boom Pow". Now compared to "I Gotta Feeling", "Boom Boom Pow" practically wrote itself; well, only by four people. Hell, who hasn't caught their mom singing along to the lyrics "Here we go, here we go, satellite radio/Y'all gettin' hit with boom boom/Beats so big I'm steppin' on leprechauns/Shittin' on y'all with the boom boom"? It has to make you think that John Lennon was overrated as a lyricist. With hits like these, surely there is no possible way that there will be any backlash to being played over and over. Just ask the Spice Girls or even Rick Astley (*pause three minutes and thirty three seconds for awesomeness).

Before you think that Black Eyed Peas has the market cornered on badassedness, the number two spot on the Hot 100 is Miley Cyrus, who may or may not be a Disney robot. Regardless, this little money maker has put out several albums but trying to figure out which of her unsuperhero alter egos are credited to record these albums is more confusing than a James Joyce novel about Salvadore Dali. Regardless, who wouldn't close their eyes and flail around when listening to "My tummys turnin and I'm feelin kinda home sick/Too much pressure and I'm nervous/That's when the D.J. dropped my favorite tune/and a Britney song was on". While that would make anyone do the Roger Rabbit dance, you get the feeling it will never be a number one hit with only ONE writer credited for this song and her inability to articulate the sound of a beat. Plus, singing about sudden bouts of diarrhea isn't as pop as being shit on by the boom, boom.

Now, there are truly pessimistic people out there who say "Inane lyrics like this will lead to the decay of the humanity". Others have said "The zombie apocalypse will not be caused by a virus, but rather songs reducing our species to a roving mob of brainless idiots rushing around looking for dope beats, rather than brains, to consume". These hot songs have even lead others to state "I pray for the day where R&B returns with their lyrics of 'I wanna fingerbang dem hoes' and other subtle verses instead of an artist using party references and onomatopoeia as a vehicle to instigate others to 'shake dat ass'".

To be fair, history shows that songs with unconventional lyrics have been admired for a while. Who can say these lyrics "Princess on the steeple and all the pretty people/They're drinkin', thinkin' that they got it made/Exchanging all kinds of precious gifts and things/But you'd better lift your diamond ring, you'd better pawn it babe" from Bob Dylan are any better than the latest eargasm from Black Eyed Peas? Oh, is Rolling Stone a credible music reference?