Now the question I present to you this time is "what is art?". What constitutes a piece of art that speaks to the emotional depth of our ethereal essence and what is just some paint splattered all over canvas (I'm looking at you Jackson Pollock and also at this kid). With that, I present to you, crap only parents could pretend to like.
Upon purchasing the Philadelphia Eagles in 1994, Jeffrey Lurie stated, unequivocally, that building a new, state-of-the-art stadium would be a key component in the effort to build the Eagles into an elite NFL franchise. Unfortunately, the first design proposed was rejected (pictured above). Lurie was quoted as saying "The mascot in the middle of the field does not even closely resemble an eagle, but more like a horse with a birth defect. Furthermore there was not even a design for a jail cell to accommodate our season ticket holders." It was also noted that to the bottom left it says "Super Bowl" which Lurie felt was more like a "fuck you" to Philadelphia considering the Eagles have never won one. This rendering was promptly burned and the artist was shelled with batteries and could be heard to scream "...but I'm just a little girl" as she ran out of the meeting.
On 14 July 2008, prosecutors at the International Criminal Court (ICC) filed ten charges of war crimes against Sudan's President Omar al-Bashir, charges that included three counts of genocide, five of crimes against humanity, and two of murder. The ICC's prosecutors have claimed that al-Bashir "masterminded and implemented a plan to destroy in substantial part" three tribal groups in Darfur because of their ethnicity. Apparently, prosecutors plan to use depictions of atrocities that were drawn by children. Representatives of al-Bashir countered by saying "this couldn't be the work of the Sudanese army as we never use our gay friendly aircraft to bomb civilians. Furthermore, that isn't a bag being forced onto the head of a person, but a helmet used to deflect the potatoes being shot out of the guns mounted on the jeeps. It was to also protect the people from the subsequent guns shooting out sour cream and bacon bits as toppings." When asked about the depiction of the women at the bottom of the drawing, al-Bashir himself exclaimed "they are rejoicing and dancing. Who doesn't love a loaded baked potato?"
One of the most dangerous things facing the people of the world today (barring an epidemic of birthing orangutans) is pollution. Ranging from acid rain melting off our faces (especially with death metal in the background) to contaminated water that makes the stuff in your septic tank seem like Evian, even the future generations are worried. Above was submitted to a local school competition in an effort to help remind adults to take pollution more seriously. This entry finished dead last. It's kind of hard to tell why at first glance. Is it the the fact it states "Pollution to help our people!" with a cute heart used to dot the eye as if to say "it can't be all that bad to suck in that brown wind of death emanating from those smokestacks"? Or is it because the tree looks like prepubescent redwood trying to fight the floating rabbit tails and that we all are slaves to the Red Cross? Everyone has to be suspicious of an organization that helps people cope with emergencies and doesn't try to give you an E-meter reading. Either way, praying to a tree to keep you safe is about the only sensible thing in this propaganda FOR pollution.
I think you get the idea. Kids really suck at drawing. Take the example above. It looks like a kid stressing out over his math test or he's just realizing that he needs dentures and bifocals. Actually it was drawn by Jean-Michel Basquiat who went from being a graffiti artist to influencing the Neo-expressionism movement along with Andy Warhol. He died because he had been combining cocaine and heroin, often using cocaine to stay up all night painting and then using heroin in the morning to fall asleep. There is even a movie made about his life. Art is funny.
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