Oh girl, that's my JAM!

Geniuses or Douches?

ZOMG! This is the best time for music, in like, forever! The top song in the Hot 100 this week is Black Eyed Peas "I Gotta Feeling". Who doesn't just want to move around like you are having an epileptic fit while lip syncing the lyrics "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday (Do it!)/Friday, Saturday, to Sunday (Do it!)/ Get, get, get, get, get, us, you know what we say, say/ Party every day, p-p-p-party every day " I mean, finally, a song that exclaims the fun of partying while teaching youngsters the days of the week; In your face Sesame Street! Plus, it is a song that was so awesome that six people are credited for writing it. It obviously takes several people to not only come up with days of the week, but verses like "Get, get, get, get, get with us/You know what we say (say)/Party everyday" doesn't come from just ONE person.

Black Eyed Peas also have a Billboard record with being at number one for 21 weeks with two songs: "I Gotta Feeling" and "Boom Boom Pow". Now compared to "I Gotta Feeling", "Boom Boom Pow" practically wrote itself; well, only by four people. Hell, who hasn't caught their mom singing along to the lyrics "Here we go, here we go, satellite radio/Y'all gettin' hit with boom boom/Beats so big I'm steppin' on leprechauns/Shittin' on y'all with the boom boom"? It has to make you think that John Lennon was overrated as a lyricist. With hits like these, surely there is no possible way that there will be any backlash to being played over and over. Just ask the Spice Girls or even Rick Astley (*pause three minutes and thirty three seconds for awesomeness).

Before you think that Black Eyed Peas has the market cornered on badassedness, the number two spot on the Hot 100 is Miley Cyrus, who may or may not be a Disney robot. Regardless, this little money maker has put out several albums but trying to figure out which of her unsuperhero alter egos are credited to record these albums is more confusing than a James Joyce novel about Salvadore Dali. Regardless, who wouldn't close their eyes and flail around when listening to "My tummys turnin and I'm feelin kinda home sick/Too much pressure and I'm nervous/That's when the D.J. dropped my favorite tune/and a Britney song was on". While that would make anyone do the Roger Rabbit dance, you get the feeling it will never be a number one hit with only ONE writer credited for this song and her inability to articulate the sound of a beat. Plus, singing about sudden bouts of diarrhea isn't as pop as being shit on by the boom, boom.

Now, there are truly pessimistic people out there who say "Inane lyrics like this will lead to the decay of the humanity". Others have said "The zombie apocalypse will not be caused by a virus, but rather songs reducing our species to a roving mob of brainless idiots rushing around looking for dope beats, rather than brains, to consume". These hot songs have even lead others to state "I pray for the day where R&B returns with their lyrics of 'I wanna fingerbang dem hoes' and other subtle verses instead of an artist using party references and onomatopoeia as a vehicle to instigate others to 'shake dat ass'".

To be fair, history shows that songs with unconventional lyrics have been admired for a while. Who can say these lyrics "Princess on the steeple and all the pretty people/They're drinkin', thinkin' that they got it made/Exchanging all kinds of precious gifts and things/But you'd better lift your diamond ring, you'd better pawn it babe" from Bob Dylan are any better than the latest eargasm from Black Eyed Peas? Oh, is Rolling Stone a credible music reference?

Kids draw the darndest things.

What doesn't say "I'm mildly narcissistic with underlying hints of Vaseline and maple syrup addiction" than another asshat blogging? Well, prepare to be underwhelmed by mediocrity, because this is my first post! I know, it's just a matter of time before I sell out to the man for a shiny nickle, but until that glorious day warms my cold heart, you are stuck with this.

Now the question I present to you this time is "what is art?". What constitutes a piece of art that speaks to the emotional depth of our ethereal essence and what is just some paint splattered all over canvas (I'm looking at you Jackson Pollock and also at this kid). With that, I present to you, crap only parents could pretend to like.



Upon purchasing the Philadelphia Eagles in 1994, Jeffrey Lurie stated, unequivocally, that building a new, state-of-the-art stadium would be a key component in the effort to build the Eagles into an elite NFL franchise. Unfortunately, the first design proposed was rejected (pictured above). Lurie was quoted as saying "The mascot in the middle of the field does not even closely resemble an eagle, but more like a horse with a birth defect. Furthermore there was not even a design for a jail cell to accommodate our season ticket holders." It was also noted that to the bottom left it says "Super Bowl" which Lurie felt was more like a "fuck you" to Philadelphia considering the Eagles have never won one. This rendering was promptly burned and the artist was shelled with batteries and could be heard to scream "...but I'm just a little girl" as she ran out of the meeting.



On 14 July 2008, prosecutors at the International Criminal Court (ICC) filed ten charges of war crimes against Sudan's President Omar al-Bashir, charges that included three counts of genocide, five of crimes against humanity, and two of murder. The ICC's prosecutors have claimed that al-Bashir "masterminded and implemented a plan to destroy in substantial part" three tribal groups in Darfur because of their ethnicity. Apparently, prosecutors plan to use depictions of atrocities that were drawn by children. Representatives of al-Bashir countered by saying "this couldn't be the work of the Sudanese army as we never use our gay friendly aircraft to bomb civilians. Furthermore, that isn't a bag being forced onto the head of a person, but a helmet used to deflect the potatoes being shot out of the guns mounted on the jeeps. It was to also protect the people from the subsequent guns shooting out sour cream and bacon bits as toppings." When asked about the depiction of the women at the bottom of the drawing, al-Bashir himself exclaimed "they are rejoicing and dancing. Who doesn't love a loaded baked potato?"







One of the most dangerous things facing the people of the world today (barring an epidemic of birthing orangutans) is pollution. Ranging from acid rain melting off our faces (especially with death metal in the background) to contaminated water that makes the stuff in your septic tank seem like Evian, even the future generations are worried. Above was submitted to a local school competition in an effort to help remind adults to take pollution more seriously. This entry finished dead last. It's kind of hard to tell why at first glance. Is it the the fact it states "Pollution to help our people!" with a cute heart used to dot the eye as if to say "it can't be all that bad to suck in that brown wind of death emanating from those smokestacks"? Or is it because the tree looks like prepubescent redwood trying to fight the floating rabbit tails and that we all are slaves to the Red Cross? Everyone has to be suspicious of an organization that helps people cope with emergencies and doesn't try to give you an E-meter reading. Either way, praying to a tree to keep you safe is about the only sensible thing in this propaganda FOR pollution.








I think you get the idea. Kids really suck at drawing. Take the example above. It looks like a kid stressing out over his math test or he's just realizing that he needs dentures and bifocals. Actually it was drawn by Jean-Michel Basquiat who went from being a graffiti artist to influencing the Neo-expressionism movement along with Andy Warhol. He died because he had been combining cocaine and heroin, often using cocaine to stay up all night painting and then using heroin in the morning to fall asleep. There is even a movie made about his life. Art is funny.